"'If the challenge we face doesn't scare us, then it's probably not that important."
I'm freezing as I go grab another blanket. I just started living without a roommate and I couldn't afford to pay the heat; they shut it off. I had some money in my account, but my friends called last week to go to the comedy club. I can always overdraw my account, but that's a risky strategy; it's a $25 fee for every check that comes in. That adds up fast.
A couple of weeks later my boss' boss' boss comes to the bank to tell us that we have to start wearing ties to work. I don't own any ties. One strategy might be to buy one or two good quality ties that are pretty universal, but instead, I opt to go to a thrift store and find a few ties there. I don't know anything about ties, especially how to tie them. Many of them end up being quite small. Some of them are worn out and don't look good at all. Most of them are quite obviously out-dated.
Several months later I wake up on my couch in my clothes. It's dark outside as I try to make out what time it is on the VCR. It says it's 8:15. I'm so confused. I can't figure out why I decided to sleep in my living room, in my clothes. I'm worried because I have a class at 9:00 and I'm not sure if I did my homework last night. Plus, I wonder why it's so dark at 8:15 am. Then, all of a sudden it hits me - it's not 8:15 tomorrow morning; it's 8:15 pm tonight!! I fell asleep and missed my shift at work. Between working close to full time and my full course load, I've been getting very little sleep - even pulling all-nighters.
In all three cases, I felt deprived. My needs weren't being met. I was going without things I needed, like heat. I was making do with low quality, used ties when I should have found good deals on new ties that would make me look presentable. I ignored my basic needs because I put too much on my plate and I had work to do.
Feeling deprived, especially when it's self-imposed, is no way to find happiness.
Feeling deprived is one of the main reasons people don't want to budget. Budgeting feels like someone is putting restrictions on our spending. Feeling deprived has to do with having unmet needs, and it's nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship with money when you don't have your needs fulfilled.
There are six basic human needs, several variants of those needs, and needs that are based on your values. The six basic human needs are belonging - we need to feel like we are a part of a group, autonomy - we need to feel like we are in control of our own lives, safety/security - we have to feel safe, self-expression - we need to feel heard, connection - we are social creatures, and purpose/significance - we need to feel like we matter.
Income is Irrelevant
Many people think their problems would be solved if only they made more money. This is only true for people living in poverty. Outside of that, more income doesn't necessarily take away feelings of deprivation.
According to author Karen McCall, there are three types of deprivation, going without, getting by, and overdoing it.
The first type of deprivation is the easiest one to think about, going without. Going without is not having things that are essential. This is skipping meals because you don't want to spend the money on food. This is only taking your medicine every other day so the pills last longer.
This happens when people don't make enough money to meet their needs. The bigger problem is when people make these choices because they are spending money on less important things while leaving needs unmet.